Saturday Morning Blues

Ahh…….2.45am, I remember you. The last time was only a few weeks ago, here in exactly the same place……..the hospital! It seems ironic that some twelve hours ago (Friday afternoon), I was so tired, I kept dropping off in front of my computer, and yet as I sit here now, I’m unable to go to sleep, on what has become now, a familiar fold down bed.

My daughter’s headache (which she constantly has), spent the day going from bad to worse, culminating in a late night, 11pm trip to the hospital. As usual the staff were great and got her settled in a bed straight away. But just like my daughter’s headache, things were kicking off here as well. After the first set of observations, a doctor appeared, sat down on the end of her bed, and enquired about exactly what had been going on for us to arrive there at such a late hour. At that exact moment, the doctor’s hospital pager went off. Trouble in the maternity ward…….she had to go straight away, and was very apologetic. I told her we understood, and off she zoomed. Given that my daughter was in more than a fair amount of pain right there, it would only be reasonable for her to be more than a little fed up. But given the fact that she’s the most kind, considerate and caring person I’ve ever met, I shouldn’t have been surprised by her response…..”I’d much rather they go and look after the little babies” she said. It was all I could do not to cry, and the second time in only a matter of hours. Earlier, before our late night excursion, my wife came downstairs from putting her to bed (little did we know it would only be for a matter of minutes), very much as normal. My wife told me that Jaina, my daughter, had been a little upset about her Christmas letter to Santa. She’d remembered something else to ask Santa for, something important. I enquired what exactly could be so important, only to be told she wanted to ask Santa to make it possible for her to be well enough to go back to school. Again, almost tears for me. At this point, the only thing on my Christmas list for Santa was to get her fit and healthy, well enough to go back to school and see all the friends she misses so much.

A short while later, back at the hospital, another doctor arrived to check out her condition. He sat down on the end of the bed, and you’ll think I’m making the next bit up…..but I swear I’m not. I’m sure you can guess what happened next. That’s right……..his pager went off, and another mad dash to the maternity ward ensued. Despite my concern for my daughter, who didn’t seem to be getting any worse at least, I’d much rather the doctors prioritized a newborn baby over my daughter. Wouldn’t everybody feel that way? A few seconds after the doctor sprinted off, my daughter, despite her discomfort expressed the exact same thoughts she had earlier. It made me so proud that she would think to put a little baby before herself.

The doctors, like buses arrived together, sometime later, battling it out as to who examined my daughter. It was almost comical. After a thorough examination, putting our minds somewhat at rest, it was agreed that they would review things in the morning, letting the painkillers she’d already had, hopefully take effect. This was about half an hour or so ago, and I’ve sat and watched as sleep has finally taken her, some 18 hours or so since she’d woken up. Watching the rise and fall of her delicate features, I hope desperately that sleep takes away the constant pain she finds herself in. The thought of just how unfair things seem bounces itself around the inside of my head. That and the fact that I’d do anything to make it better for her…………ANYTHING!

So here we go again……me in the middle of the night. DAMN! I wonder briefly if they’ll prescribe me something for how I feel. I shouldn’t think so. As my mind wonders, ever searching for a few hours sleep, the thought of them pop into my head. Are they down there, deep below me, even now? It makes me smile a little, on the inside, anyway, just at the thought of dragons taking over the lower levels of the hospital. There’s a book there somewhere…….I’m sure. With thoughts of dragons and the whispered voices of the doctors and nurses from the adjacent corridor keeping me company, I drop off, wondering what tomorrow will bring.

Update

As I sit here typing this up, it is now Saturday night. We’ve been at the hospital all day today, my daughter struggling with her pain. Early evening, the doctors decided it was time for another lumber puncture that will be performed tonight, providing there are no emergencies on the ward. I’ve swapped with my wife, who’s now at the hospital, while I’m at home with my youngest daughter. I’m not sure who’s got the best deal out of this. I wanted to stay for the lumber puncture (I’ve been there for the other 3), but I know my wife wants to be with my daughter. As well, my wife knows how tired I am, and wants me to get some sleep. I’m so lucky to be married to such a marvellous women. So I find myself waiting for the phone call, desperate to find out what’s going on, but knowing that I can’t phone, because I might interrupt everything. Waiting……….I absolutely hate it.

Your thoughts are much appreciated..........Thanks!